Hi lovebug,

People are going through all kinds of struggles right now. 

One of the worst things you can do when someone is sharing a hard time with you is to skate on by their pain and bright side them by saying these two words: 

AT LEAST.

I write about this in part one of this post if you want to go catch up on it first. 

Let’s get into it a bit more today…

WHY do we do this to one another when we know how crappy it feels to be on the receiving end of someone trying to see the good in the situation? 

Well, I think we've been taught to say at least xyz didn’t happen by people trying to get us to buck up or deal with it or BE POSITIVE.

That’s what they were told, so that’s what they pass on to the next generation.

I believe that we are collectively growing as a society and with that our responses to one another need to change (and are changing - thank goodness).

Going through a struggle and having someone bright side you is EXHAUSTING. 

You end up feeling unseen and unheard in your hardship.

_{Sidebar: that kind of conversation can also trap a ton of emotions because you don’t get to fully explain or process what you’re experiencing. It’s not great.}

What happens when you say at least to someone is you're not acknowledging the vulnerability and the pain of the moment.

You just scoot on right by it.

Here are some examples: 

Hardship #1: "My boyfriend left me."

PAIN being expressed: I feel sad and rejected and lost and alone.

SKATE BY: “Well, at least you don't have to deal with his crazy moods any more.”

Hardship #2: "My work schedule has been so crazy that I can't tuck the kids in at night."

PAIN being expressed: I'm overwhelmed and tired and miss seeing my family.

SKATE BY: “Well, at least you're making money."

Hardship #3: "I got in a car accident and I need $5,000 worth of repairs on my car."

PAIN being expressed: I'm shaken up and frustrated with myself and I don't have the five grand to fix my car.

SKATE BY: “Well, at least no one was hurt.”

Can you feel your heart sink when you read each one?

I sure can.

You're trying to make them feel better, but it has the opposite effect.

It creates distance and often feels vaguely like judgement (even if it isn't) or more blatantly like their pain doesn't matter.

It offers forced gratitude <<<< and that’s just smoothing over reality. 

So what can you say instead?

I'm so glad you told me.

I've been there.

That sounds really hard.

Are you okay?

Is there anything I can do?

I encourage you to try to avoid the words at least when someone is in their struggle and opening up to you about it.

Trying being there in it with them and seeing if it actually helps them more than any silver lining talk could.

I know you can do it. I know I can do it. I know we can do it. 

Rebecca*

PS: If you’re looking for support, guidance and wisdom, I encourage you to book a psychic reading. Spirit is wonderful in that way.