Hi lovebug, 

You know, I’m a pretty optimistic person.

I like to feel good.

I like other people to feel good.

I don't like when other people are suffering, in fact, it can physically pain me to see others suffer.

I bet you don't like it when other people are suffering either.

Especially when they are suffering auditory and endlessly... (i.e. complaining.)

I'll admit, listening to people complain about life can be HARD. FOR. ME.

_{^{(Turns out, I am not a saint. I know you’re shocked.)}}

There's a crucial difference for me between having someone share with me that they're in the midst of a struggle and complaining about something.

BUT, regardless of how they’re handling it, when someone is mid-struggle they need empathy.

In fact, when someone is talking to you about a struggle they are knee deep in, there is a way to be there for them without creating distance between your heart and their heart.

I live on a floating home and a number of years ago, the winter was so cold, my pipes froze.

Once your pipes freeze there's nothing to be done but wait until the weather warms up enough to melt the ice in the pipes.

I feel like this goes without saying, but if you didn’t know, when your pipes freeze, you don’t have any waterrrrr. 

My sister was living with me at the time and we managed it like bosses.

But...

We had no water for seven days.

No water. 

In my house. 

For seven days.

Two humans.

Four animals.

No water.

It was a STRUG-GLE.

AND—we were very fortunate.

We were so lucky to have a neighbor without frozen pipes who let us use his house for washing dishes and using the bathroom.

We live within walking distance of a store so we could buy bottled water. (Good thing because the ice was so slick we couldn't drive anywhere.)

I am so grateful to have gotten through that.

_{[Ohmygosh indoor plumbing is AMAZING. You don't even realize until you're without it for seven days...]}

I was talking to a lot of people during that time.

Everyone was DOING THEIR BEST to try and make me feel better.

They really were.

But everyone kept using two words that always make me feel like crap.

Are you ready for them?

-----> At least <-----

Here are some of the AT LEAST things I heard that week:

At least your heat didn't go out...

At least you have a great neighbor...

At least no one was sick...

At least you had your sister to go through it with you.

ALL TOTALLY TRUE, but all I wanted to say was, “Would you kindly SHUT UP!”

Saying “at least xyz” felt awful because it didn't change anything AND no one would admit or connect with my struggle. 

I felt alone.I felt helpless. I felt like I “should be grateful” that everything else hadn't gone to complete crap.

But I was unshowered and tired and ready to not have to walk outside in the freezing snow to go to the damn bathroom.

Hello… S T R U G G L E

It is really hard to stop saying AT LEAST when someone tells you about a struggle they're in because we don't want to identify with that feeling in ourselves.

I still have to catch myself from bright siding someone with at least talk. 

Next week we’ll talk a bit more about this and what you can say instead. 

In the meantime, if you’re on the struggle bus right now and could use some support, guidance and healing, I highly recommend a psychic medium session. You can book one here.

Rebecca*