Hi lovebug, 

Last week we started talking about all or nothing thinking. I see it with my clients where they have an emotionally loaded project and they reason that “If I can’t do it all, I can’t do it at all.”

That mentality can keep you seriously stuck and keep you from moving forward with your life. You can read that blog post here.  

So! What’s the alternative to all or nothing thinking? Chipping away a little bit at a time with tiny goals.

Most people tend to underestimate the power of tiny, repeated actions day after day and tend towards the GO BIG OR GO HOME attitude. 

And wow—it can negatively affect your confidence. 

When you give yourself a task that is DOABLE and then show up and DO IT, you build trust with yourself. 

As you trust yourself to get something done, you build confidence in yourself.

You start to realize that you can depend on yourself to do what you say you’re going to do.

When you make the goals TOO big, you may end up quietly sabotaging yourself. Unhelpful thoughts can crop up like “See? I never follow through on anything.”

The overwhelming nature of the goal will keep you stuck and hack away at your self esteem. 

Let me show you what I mean: 

Overwhelming Goal that keeps you stuck >> I need to get my taxes done.

Tiny Goal that moves you forward >> I’m going to spend an hour on my taxes today from 1-2pm.

Overwhelming Goal that keeps you stuck >> I need to clean out the garage.

Tiny Goal that moves you forward >> I’m going to spend two hours working on one corner of the garage from 10am-noon. 

Overwhelming Goal that keeps you stuck >> I need to rebuild trust in my relationship with my daughter. 

Tiny Goal that moves you forward >> I’m committing to going to my daughter’s choir concert this Wednesday at 6pm to support her. 

So much of life is about one thing: SHOWING UP.

Showing up for yourself. Showing up for others. Showing up to do what you said you would do when you said you would do it.

It’s the basis of integrity.

And, if you’re doing something hard, you want to keep the bar SUPER low so you can assure that you SUCCEED.

Seriously. Set the bar one inch off the ground so you can step over it. 

For example, if an hour of working on your taxes feels like too much, make it 30 minutes.

Afterwards, actively celebrate that you showed up for yourself and put another 30 minute segment on the calendar for the next day. 

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. But keep those goals tiny and keep those celebrations mighty. 

Imagine each tiny action like knocking down a domino in a string of dominos. 

Knocking one down will help lead you to the next and the next. Eventually you knock down the final domino and the project will be complete, but there’s no possible way to knock down every domino at once.

Unless you’re a dinosaur with really big feet and you stomp them all at once. RAWRRRR. 

Now I know what you’re thinking: But I don’t LIKE leaving things for the next day. I just want to get it ALL done and BE DONE with it now. 

Oh honey. Yes. I know. Having the relief of being done feels so good and so tempting. 

And sometimes it’s legitimately not possible to do things that way. 

Sometimes (read: often) you have to break your projects into small achievable goals. 

Sometimes it’s worth it to try living in a gentle baby steps way instead of a stressful all-or-nothing way.

Eventually your body will get used to working in steps and you’ll prefer a more balanced approach.

I promise. 

If you want help learning how to make your life easier and you need some accountability and healing, especially in the area of love and relationships, I’m going to be offering another Relationship Healing Flash Sale very soon! Stay posted. 

I only offer these a few times a year and they’re available for a short window so be ready. 

Big hugs,

Rebecca*