Hi lovebug, 

When I was fifteen years old, I remember sitting in the kitchen with my mom, crying.

Not just crying.

Teenager crying.

You know... It's that delightful combination of sadness plus anger plus frustration all revved up with an added dose of unstable hormones.

It’s the angry, ugly cry.

My poor Mom.

She had to deal with my bottomless, existential ANGST about not knowing what I was going to do with my life—at fifteen. 

And all my accompanying tears. I had so much panic, so much fear, and so many FEELINGS…

I went to a competitive (read: cutthroat) high school.

My fellow achievers would get a 98.5 on a quiz in AP government and then spend twenty minutes arguing with the teacher to nudge their grade up to 100.

Just breathing the same air as those students felt exhausting.

In high school, when I looked around, I felt like all my peers had PLANS for their FUTURE.

This college.

That internship.

This career.

Boom, boom, boom.

It was all lined out.

Me?

All I had was a speedball of not-super-great-feelings about the future.

Plus a hearty dose of self-doubt. 

When faced with my fifteen-year-old, wailing self saying...

"But what am I going to *sob* DOOOO *sniffle* with my LIIIIIFE, mom?" 

*hiccup*

What my mom told me was not the answer I wanted to hear, but it was HIGHLY intuitive and incredibly wise.

She said,

“Honey. I think the thing you’re going to do hasn’t been invented yet.”

(I mean, right? So brilliant.)

And to a certain degree, she was right on.

• Zumba hadn’t been invented yet.
• Graphic design hadn’t really started yet.
• Blogging wasn’t a thing yet.
• Emotional freedom technique was just coming into being.
• And channeling via Zoom?

Zoom was still just a verb.

But even with those kind and wise and comforting words from my Mom, I was still OBSESSED with figuring out my PURPOSE.

I wanted someone to PLEASE give me clear advice on THE THING I was SUPPOSED to be doing with my life.

So I could start doing it.

Stat.

^{(spoiler alert: the answer didn't come for another twenty-six years)}

Not knowing my purpose irritated me like a mosquito bite on my ankle bone.

Career quizzes made me feel misunderstood and more frustrated.

Guidance counselors were a total joke to my cynical, teenage self.

And frankly, I didn't really know myself well enough to trust any personality tests.

I also didn't think that I could make it financially by doing any of the things that interested me (dance, art, sports, basically anything that wasn’t corporate).

I felt 100% stuck.

There is a LOT of rhetoric around about:

... doing what you’re supposed to do!

... doing what you’re HERE TO DO!

... FINDING YOUR THING!

If we were to start unpacking all of those possible beliefs and feelings around that I-NEED-TO-FIND-MY-PURPOSE energy, holy shamoligans. It's a lot. And it's largely tied to work.

{cue inner panic voice here:}

• What if I NEVER find my purpose? Will I have wasted my life?
• If I don’t have a purpose, then is what I’m doing now not important?
• Only special people are lucky enough to find their purpose (and make money doing it)...
• My purpose has GOT to be something specific - LIKE CURING CANCER - or else it’s not a worthwhile purpose. AND THEREFORE I AM NOT WORTHWHILE UNTIL I AM DOING SOMETHING WORTHWHILE (like curing cancer).
• Art is not a purpose. I cannot support myself with art. — MOVING ON.
• “Finding joy” isn't something I can put on my resumé. — NEXT.
• I NEED TO KNOW WHY THE HECK I’M HERE. SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME.

The angst... whew...

LIKE I SAID…

... it can be a lot.

Next time we’re going to dive into a new way of looking at your purpose that isn’t quite so angsty. 😉

See you then

Rebecca*

PS: If you are feeling like you could use some guidance in this area, I highly recommend an hour long reading. Almost everyone who books a 30 minute reading ends up extending it because there’s so much coming through.