Hi lovebug,

Last time we talked about ways to be more direct in your communications with folks. 

Clear, calm and direct communication is super helpful when you’re setting boundaries. 

But I prefer to do something other than setting boundaries where I can. 

I love setting expectations that reinforce my boundaries. 

I find it to be a great way to help everyone I’m interacting with stay regulated (and not feel disappointed) by my behavior. 

Let me give you some examples. 

1) A friend asks if I want to go to karaoke. I say I’d love to, but I’m not going to drink and I need to leave by 8:30pm so I can get to bed at a decent time for work. 

Why do I make that clear? So that no one gives me a hard time for not drinking and so that people are prepared when I say I need to head out at 8:30pm. At that point, if the friend is looking for a wild time drinking or a late night, they can say it at that point or they can invite someone else who will match their energy. 

2) I start dating someone new and they ask if I want to sleep over. I tell them that I’ll give it a shot, but I have a lot of issues with sleep, especially sharing energy with a new person, so if I can’t fall asleep by 11:30pm then I’m going to head home. I also share that it’s not personal but something that I need to do to take care of myself as an energy sensitive person. 

Again, I’m not having to explain what’s going on in the middle of a night if I can’t fall asleep. I need to be able to rest in order to do the intensive energy work I do every day. I’ve said this exact thing to new people I’m dating and they understand because I handle it this way.

3) I am going to visit a friend abroad and stay with them for a week. Before I commit, I make sure to tell them that I’ll be working with clients remotely some of the time so I won’t always be available. I add that I’ll be sure to tell them my work hours ahead of time so we can still have fun.

It seems obvious to me that we would give one another a heads up, but instead I find that lots of people make assumptions. If I didn’t tell my friend that I had to work during the day, maybe she’d make plans for us and then feel disappointed when I told her I had to work. Expectations are key to making life peaceful. 

4) I sign onto Zoom to meet with a client for a psychic reading for the first time. In the first three minutes, I share that the call will be recorded, when it will be sent to them by my assistant and also that I won’t remember 95% of what I channel. I tell them that last part is important because if they decide to book another reading, I don’t want them to think that I wasn’t paying attention. 

These little behind-the-scenes details enable everyone to understand what’s going on. It builds trust and creates safety. It avoids surprises and almost always eliminates hurt feelings. And once you get used to it, it’s such an easier way to communicate.

I find that when I am a clear and kind communicator with my expectations then I don’t need to set boundaries (often uncomfortably) after the fact. 

As you go through your day, pay attention to what you need to keep saying over and over again or who you have to keep setting boundaries with.

How could you set a clear expectation in that situation?

Where are you making assumptions where you could be a clear communicator instead? 

Who is a safe person in your life where you could practice setting expectations? 

If this is an area where you feel like it’s super hard to even get the words out, we should talk. 

I’d bet good money that you have trapped emotions blocking your ability to communicate with clarity. 

If you’re serious about your healing and ready to stop playing out the same old uncomfortable patterns, you can set up a time to chat here.

In the meantime, keep practicing your direct communication. It’ll make life so much easier for you. 🙂

Rebecca*