Hi lovebug,

I know what you’re thinking, “You want me to be more rude?!... Why?” 

Well, if you’re reading this it’s HIGHLY likely that you are a pretty kind person.

Maybe even a bit of a good girl or good guy. 

And in my experience, good girls and good guys need some practice in boundary setting. 

And when you start setting boundaries, you feel hella rude at first. 

In fact, I’d bet you're not actually being rude, you’re being direct. 

But in your body, being direct feels rude.

So! Let’s talk about this.

Here are some situations where I absolutely want you to start being more rude:

1. When someone won’t stop talking and you need to get back to what you were doing.
2. When someone asks for your number and you’re not interested. 
3. When you get your food at a restaurant and it’s not prepared well. 
4. When you agree to something and then change your mind.

Let’s go through and talk about the direct way to handle each. 

Sidebar: I find that once you’ve seen someone handle something like this, you’ll be able to do it too and you won’t feel rude. 

1) When someone won’t stop talking and you need to get back to what you were doing.

Indirect response: Looking at your watch. Looking at your phone. Smiling, nodding, starting to turn away. Waiting until they finish talking while you’re quietly frustrated. 

Direct response: “Hey, I’m sorry to interrupt you. I’ve got to get back to what I was doing. I’ve got so much to do today.” 

2) When someone asks for your number and you’re not interested. 

Indirect response: You give them your number. You respond to their texts. You may even go out with them. And then you eventually break it off because you were never interested to begin with. 

Direct response: “Oh gosh. That’s so flattering. Thank you for asking but I’m not dating right now.” or “I’m going to pass, but thank you for asking.” Whatever is true and clear. 

3) When you get your food at a restaurant and it’s not prepared well. 

Indirect response: You complain that your food isn’t hot or the veggies are underdone or whatever to the people at your table. You don’t eat your food. You under tip. Or you act like everything is fine, but you leave hungry and annoyed. 

Direct response: To the server… “Hey there. My steak is overdone. Could I get a new one cooked medium like I asked? Thank you.” Or “I’m not sure what happened, but these veggies are cold and the biscuit is stale. Could I get a fresh order? Thank you.”

4) When you agree to something and then change your mind.

Indirect response: You bail at the last minute with a made up excuse. You don’t show up at all. You show up begrudgingly. You show up and act fake happy and then complain when you get home. 

Direct response: Via text.. “Hey friend. I’m so sorry. I’m not going to be able to help out with X after all. Life feels really tough right now. I hope things go well today.” 

Did you notice that none of these direct responses were actually rude? 

They weren’t. 

They were clear, calm, direct and kind. These responses didn’t create drama. They were adult communications. 

They also were examples of not abandoning yourself in the moment. 

Boundaries are important, but they’re not my favorite. 

My favorite is clear and direct expectations. We’re going to talk about that next time.

If you’re looking for help not abandoning yourself, Emotion Code® work can really help. 

I highly recommend starting with a love package where we work on all kinds of things like boundary setting, clear communication, direct expectations and showing yourself love. 

We accomplish in months what takes years in most other modalities. 

Set up a time to chat about it here. 

See you next time,

Rebecca*