You know that friend you have who constantly gripes to you about her guy problems or her money problems or her work problems?

You listen patiently. You may even gently offer advice (since she asked for help).

She listens intently, nods even, and then does exactly the same things she’s been doing for years, ending up right back where she started.

It’s maddening, no?

Now, pause for a moment.

< pause >

When are you that friend?

Real talk here, love: 

We are ALL that friend in some area of our lives.

Maybe you complain about work or your (lack of) fitness habits or your out-of-control spending or your boyfriend’s aggravating obsession with Cheez Whiz and video games—or WHAT HAVE YOU…

And then, once the venting session is over, you do absolutely nothing to change your situation.

It’s WAY easier to see the patterns in your friends and family members than it is to look at the many ways you are ALSO that way in your own life.

Why the heck do we do this?

Oh gosh, so many reasons.

Subconscious beliefs. Habits. Fear of change. Trying to make changes without help. Trauma. Fear of commitment. Self doubt.

But I think the main reason why we don’t make changes is because our particular discomfort has become comfortable.

And boy, do humans love comfort.

We get so used to the feeling of being emotionally neglected by a partner or financially broke or physically in pain or chronically stressed that it creates a deeply rutted and familiar groove in our brain.

Then, even though the situation is still uncomfortable, it’s the devil you know instead of the devil you don’t.

You know?

It’s the trap of familiar discomfort.

Suddenly being uncomfortable is actually a kind of comfort because you’re so accustomed to it. 

_{*cue tiny sad trombone*}

So—how do you know if you’re caught in the trap of discomfort?

• You’ve been in this rut for ages
• You complain about it / beat yourself up about it regularly
• You’re stuck and yet you’re also not willing to do anything to improve the situation
• When it comes down to it, you’re more comfortable not getting what you want than making the changes required to get what you want

(PS: This is a normal, frustrating thing. We’re all experiencing this process in one way or another. It’s how we evolve in this world. Be gentle with yourself, please.)

Now.

In order to make a change in this area, you’ve got to be willing to be uncomfortable in a new way.

I know what you’re thinking, “OH JOY! MORE DISCOMFORT!”

But listen lovey, this unfamiliar discomfort is your North Star for getting what you want!

The tricky bit is getting yourself to do the newly unfamiliar uncomfortable thing.

And I bet if you think for a moment, you know what that thing is.

Going to bed earlier.

Taking a longer walk every day.

Setting a boundary with your chatty coworker.

Not having a second glass (or first glass) of wine every night. 

Starting couples counseling. 

You know what it is. 

(Hint: it’s the thing you keep saying you need to do.)

If you need some support, my 1:1 coaching is full right now, but you can still do a done-for-you package (it’s the perfect solution if you don’t have time for coaching right now). 

Curious about how it works? Schedule a free chat and I’ll explain. 

If it doesn’t seem like a fit, I’ll be honest with you.

Now, take a deep breath and go be uncomfy in a new way.

Hugs,

Rebecca*