Hi lovebug,

I shared a reel on my Instagram story last week of a woman being direct. 

If we're not connected on Instagram yet, I'd love for you to follow me. (Also - I'm on Facebook too if you're not on Instagram person. You can follow me on FB here.)

This reel was short, but hit a nerve because it got 9.5 million views.

(If you’re not on Instagram, we would call that an insane number of views. That’s a viral video right there.)

She recorded herself talking on a Zoom call and saying, directly, but kindly, that if the work this person was asking for wasn’t paid, then it was a no for her. 

Here's her exact wording from the call:

“If it’s not paid, I just don’t have time. I’m gonna be busy, so yeah. Respectfully, they’re great girls, I love their team, but they’re not good enough friends to be doing favors.” 

And that was it. 

She was direct, clear, respectful, and kind. 

She wasn’t apologetic or meek. 

She wasn’t rude or domineering. 

She stated her boundary with clean energy and they moved on with the conversation.  

(Sidenote: I don’t know if she was actually busy or not. It doesn’t matter. She was TOO BUSY to work for free.) 

When I work with my guy clients, one of the things I help them do is soften their communication a bit. I help them to be present, ground and listen to the women in their lives without jumping to offer a solution. 

When I work with my women clients, we spend a lot of time learning to be explicit communicators. 

What that means is literally asking for what you want—clearly, directly and kindly. 

Most women are implicit communicators, meaning they IMPLY what they want. 

Most men are explicit communicators, meaning they STATE it.

Can you see how there can be a communication breakdown here?

I say this lovingly, but most men have no freaking clue what women want because women aren’t telling them clearly. 

Instead of saying, “I don’t like that,” women will say, “You’ve got an interesting sense of humor.”

Instead of saying, “I want to do this,” women say, “We could do this or that? One might be a bit easier logistically.” 

Instead of saying, “I feel uneasy when you say things like that,” women often say nothing and expect their body language to imply how they feel about it. 

Instead of saying, “I don't want to go on vacation with your buddies and their wives," women say, "It might be fun to go somewhere else this year..."

And women can imply what they mean with other women too. It causes all kinds of drama and confusion and frustration and extra work for everyone. 

I find that many women don't say what they really want because they feel energetically muzzled.

They WANT to be able to say what they want or don’t want, but they literally can’t get the words out. 

When they finally do get themselves to set a boundary or be very clear, it can end up coming out so fiercely that then they feel bad and backtrack into not wanting to do it ever again.

Trapped emotions are often behind this inability to speak up for many women. Also patriarchal programming. Also trauma. Also past lives where speaking up was unsafe. Also present day situations where speaking up is unsafe.

There are SO many factors that can keep you from sharing your truth, kindly and clearly, but I’ve found that clearing the trapped emotions can do quick work to make things so much easier to express. 

To state it explicitly: clear the trapped emotions keeping you from stating what you want and suddenly you can ask for what you need. 

That means you can request a raise, ask for a divorce, state exactly what you want in bed, set better boundaries with your kids, turn down extra work when it's not paid or when you don't want to do it.

It’s been INCREDIBLE to see just how forthcoming women are once the big trapped emotions have been cleared. (I love seeing it!)

If you commit to the process of an Emotion Code® transformation, your life WILL change for the better. 

I’ve got two spots open. Are you ready to be able to get what you want easily? 

A 6 month transformation package is the fastest route. Click here to get started.

Rebecca*